He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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