sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
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I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
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It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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