I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I stole a fireplace last night.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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