He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
