I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
i think my cat just said my name.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Randomize
