So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
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