i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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