guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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