uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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