Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
