Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Randomize
