3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
