I seem to have left my pride at pride
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
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