Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Randomize
