Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
