God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
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