also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Randomize
