i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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