I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Randomize
