Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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