Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
