i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
