Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
are you so shy because you have an std?
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Randomize
