just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
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