Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
