mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
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Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
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I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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