That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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