heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
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This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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