I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
