Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
