it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
ok first of all what the fuck
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
