Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
