I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Randomize
