kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
She tied me up with her honor cords...
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
