had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
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