i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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