So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
