I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
The adults are the big ones right?
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
