why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Randomize
