My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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