i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
