Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
