The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
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