And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
