but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Be still, my beating vagina.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
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