so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
