i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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