He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Randomize
