Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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