You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
