Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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