It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
