Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
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Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
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If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Drunk is a universal language darling
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
I did not marry a roomba.
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