His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
No subtext here. People are naked.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
