drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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