im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize
