Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
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