All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Randomize
