I wish I could punch you in the face.
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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