What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
