My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
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