im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Randomize
