I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Randomize
