That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
