Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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