sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Randomize
