I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
