Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
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