ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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