There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
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